my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
