so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
