I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I've blown a few things in my day
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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