batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
