I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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