Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
