and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
