found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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