Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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