So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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