I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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