she woke up with a sticky ear
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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