i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
