Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
