i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
