You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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