Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize