his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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