just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Still dying that you shit outside
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
