They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I skipped work to stalk him.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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