i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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