I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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