Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
