I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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