i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So vagazzling was a success
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