"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
