wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
God, I missed his penis.
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