Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
