whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize