Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
