Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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