I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
