There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
