so that wasnt chicken after all
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
