i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
