watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
