I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
