Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
