Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Everyone says I win the strip club
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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