I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
