I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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