I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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