I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
