im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
