it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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