Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
