she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
