toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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