There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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