but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
