I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
