I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need water and some morals
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
