Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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