by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
