did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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