A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who put my cat in the fridge?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
