I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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