ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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