Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
