i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
