i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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