Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
