I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
