is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
