i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
