Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
