is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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