Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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