is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
