The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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