Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize