You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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