the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
