Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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