Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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